Monday, 26 April 2010

All we are saying is: give peace a chance

Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids: 7 Keys to Turn Family Conflict into CooperationAll we are saying is give peace a chance is an article on NVC parenting that appeared in the Times Online April 20, 2010

Headline in this Times article reads
All we are saying is: give peace a chance
A nonviolent method of dealing with terrorism has been adapted as a gentler form of parenting. But does it work?

Interesting article about NVC parenting and comments from readers who are either in favour of what the article says or are opposed to it.

Here is my response.

I agree with Louise Romain when she says that choice and autonomy are such important needs.
Approaches, which provoke discussion and debate remind me that we do live in a society where we can choose what works for us.
This means we can choose which parenting practices resonate with our own beliefs about family and society.
When deciding, we might ask ourselves the following questions
“What influence does our own upbringing, education, religion, media, culture etc have on us?”
“Is there a dominant approach that presents itself in our society?”
“What are the long-term outcomes for a society of certain approaches to parenting?”
“Can certain approaches reduce violence in society?”
It would seem that there are two approaches to parenting these are: behavioural or relational.
Behavioural approaches work on the premise that children will modify their behaviour either because of fear of punishment or to receive a reward and will be judged as good/bad, right/wrong by someone else.
Relational approaches. Such as NVC focus on the quality of relationships and motivate behaviours through helping children process their emotions, express their needs and find ways of meeting those needs which are honouring of themselves and of others. This approach helps children to develop self discipline.
In 1983 Howard Gardner wrote about the idea of “multiple intelligence “and he argued that emotional and social intelligence feature most highly in the success and wellbeing of individuals. . NVC is relational approach which supports the development of social and emotional intelligence. It provides children with the vocabulary to express their feelings and needs and the skills to resolve their conflicts peacefully.
My personal experience and understanding of NVC parenting is that it has increased my awareness of myself and helped me foster self awareness in my children. It has helped me to behave in ways that are in synergy with my own values and beliefs about mutuality and respect. It has met my need for growth, connection with myself, my partner with my children and grandchildren in a deep and meaningful way.
It is an approach that has taught me more about equality, inclusiveness, uniqueness, diversity and similarity than any other approach to relationships that I have encountered.

For details on a our six week NVC Parent Connect Programme check the calander for 2011 or contact me directly for further information

Tracy Seed working with leaders and managers in education and with parents. For more information see

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